Gifted with Toxic Thoughts - By Elena Busick

Gifted individuals are unique—there is no other way to say it. They have specific traits that they often share in a variety of areas (cognitive, creative, affective, and behavioral). As an identified gifted and talented (GT) student myself, I see a lot of the traits in my own personality. I am intensely focused on my passions, I have a diversity of interests and abilities, I have a propensity for fantasy, and so on. These are just a few of the positive traits gifted individuals share that make them natural leaders and innovators. However, these and other traits of giftedness also have a down side: they can lead to what scientists call “toxic thoughts”.

Toxic thoughts, such as perfectionism, social comparison, and maximizing, threaten a person’s mental well-being. Often, they can come from outside sources. Parents can inadvertently fuel perfectionism when praising their kids. When parents praise their kids for their internal attributes, such as their natural intelligence, rather than effort, they cultivate a “fixed mindset” rather than a “growth mindset”. A fixed mindset contributes to perfectionism because it allows kids to think that they are not able to change their situation. If children are already perfectionists, and they fail at something, a fixed mindset makes them believe they failed because they have an innate weakness, which also contributes to anxiety. Those who are obsessed with perfection are bound to be disappointed, as humans are imperfect. Priming what people see as the “ideal self” can only lead to dejection. Unfortunately, one of the traits many gifted students share is high expectations of self and others, which often leads to high levels of frustration when having difficulty meeting standards of performance (imposed by self or even others). This means that GT students are more prone to perfectionism, and it may be even more toxic to them than it is to everyone else.

Social comparison is another toxic thought that allows people to determine their worth based on the worth of others, which can be detrimental to their own self-perception. Upward comparison reduces self-perception, while downward comparison reduces the perceived value of others. By seeing someone as lower than themselves, people can lose their humility, which is necessary for a balanced life. GT students may have trouble with both upward and downward comparison. They are often very self-critical and have a heightened self-awareness, which lends them to upward comparison. However, they are also very intelligent, and recognize themselves as different, which can lead to downward comparison.

Finally, maximizing, or attempting to get the best out of all decisions, is associated with less happiness. Maximizers never find themselves at a point when they can feel content. They are always seeking more. Often, GT students have problems with maximizing because they are constantly reaching toward their goals, and their goals are always changing. In contrast, practicing “satisficing”, or taking pleasure in the given moment, is associated with greater happiness.

As soon as I learned about these toxic thoughts, I began to recognize them in myself and in those around me. In high school, it is extremely easy to get caught up in two toxic thoughts, perfectionism and social comparison, especially as upperclassmen. With college around the corner, I am constantly thinking about what else I can do to make my application perfect, and make it stand out from others. This encourages both perfectionism and social comparison. Even though I have a very nice life, preparing for college has made me question every aspect of it. I have questioned every class, every assignment, and every extracurricular. It doesn’t help that everyone around me is doing the same. It makes it difficult to stick to what I want and what’s best for me when all my friends are doing something different, together. Toxic thoughts also reach outside the classroom. Social comparison, especially, is one toxic thought that reaches every aspect of all teens’ lives, regardless of whether or not they are gifted. It is difficult to find your own way when your self-perception is based upon the qualities of others.

The big question is: how do we overcome these toxic thoughts and find happiness? Well, the first step is to understand and recognize them in ourselves. Once we do that, it is easier to see when we are giving in to perfectionism, or social comparison, or maximizing. It also is important to understand the traits that gifted individuals share, and why some of them may make us more susceptible. Doing so allows us to work on the negative traits while also embracing the good. After all, we are gifted, not cursed.

Elena Busick